I don’t think people talk enough about this space — this in-between — where I’m finally no longer in survival, but I’m still not fully in purpose. It feels strange to admit that out loud. It’s a quiet middle ground. I’m not drowning anymore… but I’m also not fully alive yet. And for a long time, I convinced myself this meant I was stuck or behind. Now I’m slowly realizing — this phase isn’t failure. It’s transition. It’s where everything inside me is learning how to exist without chaos.

This season doesn’t feel loud like survival — but it isn’t peace either. It’s more like a nervous system softly learning to rebuild. There is an unfamiliar silence here. And sometimes that silence feels scary, only because I was trained to only feel “safe” when I was alert or performing. But now that everything is finally still… there is room to feel the question rise inside me: “Who am I now that I am no longer in danger?”

I am learning not to rush out of this space. I am learning that stillness is not the same as being stuck. I am learning that discomfort doesn’t always mean something is wrong — sometimes it just means I am expanding into a life I’ve never lived before. And that realization alone is holy.

I’m writing this now to the version of me that still panics in the waiting — the one who thinks clarity is supposed to arrive in a hurry. Breathe, baby. I am not lost. I am under construction. I am learning life beyond survival for the very first time. This is where my new self is being born — not through pressure — but through permission.

And I remind myself gently: this moment is temporary. Just like storms don’t last forever — neither does this in-between. The fog lifts. The sun always returns. And maybe right now… the silence is not emptiness. Maybe it’s the first real sign that my body finally believes — I am safe enough to listen.

softly,
Juju

Journal Reflections 

• What if I am not “lost,” but simply arriving somewhere I’ve never been allowed to exist before?
  
• When was the last moment I noticed I wasn’t in danger — even for 10 seconds — and did I allow myself to feel that safety?
  
• Can I give myself permission to be “in becoming” without labeling it confusion or failure?